Cinderella

 My favorite part of Cinderella is right after the fairy Godmother magically suits her with a new dress. Listen to the strings. It speaks of witchcraft and magic. It's saying, 'by the power of magic, I have materialized your wish'. Even the fairy Godmother sings "you can do you magic, believe it or not". It's a chilling sound, almost ominous. 

But the real reason I love the scene is because Cinderella is so darn grateful. Even after the Fairy Godmother told her that after midnight the spell would be broken, Cinderella turns and says "It's more than I've ever dreamed of". 

That scene makes me cry. Im moved and touched by her gratitude. She knows it's fake. None of it's real. But it IS real for a night. And she's so proud; she's so grateful for just one night of magic. It really is more than she's e


ver dreamed of". I believe she deserved it not just because she suffers but because she suffers and is still grateful with a loving heart. 

Dan, you hurt me and lied to me. You were a cheater and a manipulator. You're so hurt within that you have become a bad person on the outside. You're pathological. Selfish. And you seriously need help.

But never have I been so loved on and doted on. In restaurants, you put your around me and fed me. You weren't embarrassed of people looking. You were so proud to have me in your arms. You always embraced me. Made me feel like a true princess. A true beauty. Always calling me beautiful. Always going out of your way to make me feel good, noticed, appreciated, special. Always gave me your attention. You let me know how much I made your heart sing and I let you know how much you made mine. 

It was all fake. It was all a lie. None of it was real. But I'm grateful anyway, because it was real for me. You see, Dan. I've never had that. I've never been loved on and doted on like that. I've never been called beautiful before. I've never before had a strong man take me by his hands and kiss me in front of everyone because he desires to. Our relationship was short and you're a a weak liar. But man did I have a good time. And for that, I'm thankful. 

Thank you God for giving me the chance to experience love. I thought I'd never get it. Just when I accepted my fate of being perpetually single, I met Dan. Thank you for giving me a moment of pure bliss. For the chance to say that I have a boyfriend. I've never had that. Thank you for sending someone to tell me he loves me. I've never had that before. In 30 years no one has ever told me that. But he did and you gave him that chance to love me. 

Just to let you know, Dan. I still love you. But not because I desire to be your mate. But because I'm a good person. I forgive you. I'm not mad. And sometimes I even miss you. Not because I'm some weak dependent basket case. But because I'm not ashamed to say I honestly loved you. And when you truly love someone, you don't just stop loving them. You wish them the best. 

Dreams do really come true if you believe they can. I really do believe that now. I don't know why I'm so happy. I've had (for a very short window of time) a moment of clarity. Life is amazing. It is what it should be and if I want it, I can have it. It's possible. Anything's possible. Because I know that it is. 

I love you God. I love you Andrew. I love you Dan. I love you Mom. Dad. Matthew. Jasmine. Carmen Margie Jimmy. What joy :)